What If You Didn’t Care So Much About What You Feel?

Hey there, sensitive go-getter.
Do you ever feel like your thoughts and emotions are overwhelming and all-consuming?

Lots of self-aware folks like you sometimes (often) feel like this. 

It seems like the more you get to know yourself, the more you feel and think (for better and for worse, right?).
Jeepers.

I don’t know about you, but I’m willing to embrace growing/healing pains over the nagging discomfort of not being fully alive and aware in my precious lifetime.

What if you didn’t have to care quite so much about what you felt?
Weird question, hey? We often have feelings and judgements about our feelings, which complicates matters.

What if you could let your emotions rumble through your body and you didn’t believe all of the complex and sometimes limiting stories that accompany them?

What if you could just feel your emotions and release them?

And what if with that newfound space, you could allow for the creation of a narrative that supports who you want to become?
 
Imagine neutrality.
Imagine surrendering to your nature.
Imagine what might be possible if you could experience life with acceptance.
Imagine spaciousness within yourself. 
 
This is part of what I teach my coaching clients. 

And guess what? 
(I’m speaking directly to the super ambitious thinky part of your brain here) 
This isn’t giving up. 
This is actually super powerful work that has the potential to make you more effective and vital. 

Feeling emotions can be separate from the thoughts we have about them.

Let me break that down with a personal example. 

Sometimes I get really overwhelmed when I’m faced with the task of doing my bookkeeping. This was especially hot during the time that I wasn’t working during the pandemic and the period I took off to recover from burnout. The loss of income affected me on many levels.

I didn’t like what I saw in my bank accounts (thought), and it woke up some deep fears (emotions) about survival and not having resources to support myself. “I’m a failure. I’m embarrassed. I’ll lose it all and be sleeping under the bridge soon”

These fears affected deep parts of myself that didn’t respond to rational reassurances of my actual reality. I knew in my mind that I would be okay (thought), but the primal part of myself catastrophized that complete ruin (i.e. death) is imminent (emotion).  

Although I tried with all my might – consciously and unconsciously – to avoid facing the discomfort of doing my bookkeeping, I chose to courageously show up and face the fear that these thoughts and emotions created. I know that good stuff is often on the other side of discomfort. Knowing this is a source of courage.

What has helped me move through the hyper-reactivity is breaking down the experience into two separate parts. 
​
1. Feel the feelings.
Let the fear, shame, overwhelm, and all the body sensations associated with these scary feelings rumble through my body. This might be sweating, jaw clenching or wanting to run away. But the good stuff in this is in staying with it, focusing purely on the feeling of the emotions and the body sensations. Sometimes the waves last just seconds, other times several minutes. There’s no “right” way to feel your feelings, just let it happen. If you notice yourself wanting to label, categorize, or rationalize your emotions take some deep breaths and drift back to your body sensations. These could be signs that your mind is getting involved which of course stops you from feeling. Sneaky mind.

2. Notice the thoughts.
You don’t have to change your thoughts or do anything about them, just notice.
“Oh look, overwhelm makes me really restless and I’m starting to get distracted by thinking I should go for a walk. Interesting.” 
No judgment, just observation. 
You might notice the time it takes for the thought to show up. 
Is it before you become aware of the emotion? After? During? 
You might notice how the thought affects your body sensations, too. There’s lots you could notice. Just get curious. Curiosity is judgment’s kryptonite. 

When the experience of feeling emotions has some space around it, the possibility of noticing what type of thoughts becomes apparent. 

Sometimes feeling emotions and noticing thoughts can happen at the same time. But the consciousness of them being two separate functions is helpful.

Developing this awareness will help you gain some control from feeling like you’re in a storm of thoughts, judgements, emotionality, and the resulting inner conflict. 

Emotions just long to be felt. That’s their entire raison d'etre.

And from that place, you can choose the type of thoughts you have in response to your emotional expression. 

This creates space, control, and a heightened awareness of being in connection with your higher self. 

I don’t know about you, but to me, that sounds pretty amazing and life might feel more rich and nuanced as a result. 

Can you think of something that gets you swirling in a whirlpool of emotional and thought overwhelm?

Give this a try next time you’re facing something tricky.

If what I’ve written about has piqued your interest and you’re ready to do some deep learning and take daily action to re-wire your brain to favour optimism and hope, please reach out. You may be a good candidate for the Positive Intelligence program that I run a few times per year.

You can learn more about the program here.

Cheering you on,
Dana