The Toughest of Times Require The Gentlest Tools

This is for the sensitive ones amidst upheaval.

Is that you, dear One?

Your feet are being held up to the fire of transformation, aren’t they?
This is an important moment in the story of your life.

💎 Maybe you see truths around you that you couldn’t see before now? And you can’t go back to how it used to be.
💎 Maybe your body is experiencing pain or dysfunction in new ways?
💎 Maybe the cornerstones of your stability are crumbling?
💎 Maybe this is all happening at the same time and you don’t know how you’re going to make it through the suffocating overwhelm?

It’s okay. These are all signs of a deep personal and spiritual transformation. 

And this might be a really good thing. 

You’re up-levelling, my friend.

You might not be able to see it right now, but this change is essential to your growth and healing as a sensitive and authentic human.

I know it’s hard at this moment, but you’ll one day look back and be grateful for waking up to rising in the face of this chaos. One day you’ll be so proud of how you showed up for yourself with authenticity and courage. Yes, mistakes will be made, but you can’t let that stop you from moving forward because, as you can see, you’re being propelled in this direction whether or not you are choosing to. 

In moments like this, the kindest & most effective thing you can do for yourself is to choose ease. This might be one of the only choices you have sometimes. You can cultivate the environment that you navigate from, even if you can’t control the circumstances or outcomes of this experience. 

💎 How will you choose to BE as you experience this?
Are you finding that many of the things that used to help you feel centred and connected to yourself are out of reach or no longer working?

That’s okay. 

Don’t make it hard on yourself trying to squeeze into something that no longer fits.
When we were little and we outgrew our clothes all we did was get the next size up. That’s what’s happening in your life right now, too. 

It’s time to find things that fit. 

There are a few basic practices that you can do to help you cultivate an inner environment to stay connected to your Higher Self and maintain your self-regulation skills.

If you only do a few things to help yourself through this complex time, do these:
💎 Feel your feet on the ground & breathe.
💎 Let your emotions flow.
💎 Use your values as a compass.
💎 Relax into the truth that nothing stays the same.

Skill #1:  Feel your feet on the ground & breathe.

I know, we’ve all heard this and it seems too simple to be helpful, right?
But trust me on this. 
It’s familiar and common because it works. 
 
The trick is remembering to do this regularly and in many different circumstances, not just when you’re triggered.
 
Option 1:
Take some deep breaths and imagine that your exhales are pouring through the soles of your feet to the centre of the planet.
 
As you breathe out, allow pain, struggle, discomfort, worry (or anything that’s not helpful) to release down. See if you can imagine this energy releasing to the center of the planet.
 
Option 2:
Take some deep breaths and try feeling each one of your toes with exquisite detail. See if you can isolate gentle pressure onto the floor with each toe. You might notice that you don’t have much connection to some toes. Interesting, hey? Stay curious and focused for at least 10 seconds.
 
How much information can you collect by doing either of these grounding practices?
Do you notice any change in how you feel?
Many folks feel calmer when they drop into this type of awareness.

Skill #2: Let your emotions flow.

I know this can be strange and unfamiliar territory.
But I assure you, feeling your feelings won’t kill you; blocking them can cause havoc, however.
 
Lots of folks don’t know how to feel their emotions. That was me for the first half of my life.
If this concept perplexes you too, know you’re not alone. But don’t worry, it’s not a hard thing to do, but it can take some practice and some courage to experience something that many of us were conditioned to suppress.
 
The simplest way to experience your emotions is to feel your body. That’s where emotions hang out. 
 
Got a wave of overwhelm washing over you? 
I bet you also feel some sensations in your body. 
 
Okay.
Find your breath. And watch it flow softly in and out. 
Then get curious.
 
Where in your body are you aware of as you feel the presence of overwhelm?
 
Is it tight in your throat?
Swirly in your tummy?
Buzzy in your head?
Something else?
 
Just get curious and observe. No need to change or control anything.
No need to develop opinions about what you’re feeling by labelling it as good or bad.
Watch what it does and keep breathing.
 
That’s it. 
You did it!
 
Emotions move fast. So don’t worry about getting stuck in anything uncomfortable.  It’s said that you can’t feel an emotion for longer than 90 seconds before it evolves. That’s totally doable.
 
Your emotions just want to be felt so they can be released. 
That’s their whole purpose. And when they get some space to be experienced things often shift. 
 
Emotions have been called the language of the soul. 
You’re in conversation with your spirit when you’re allowing your emotions to flow. 
 
It can be helpful to think of them like weather systems: always in motion and not usually something you can force or control.
 
Not everyone has had good experiences in their bodies. Feeling your body and the emotions that sometimes get stuck here can be a scary experience. 
 
If you are very overwhelmed by experiencing this type of body inquiry – like feeling a fight-flight-freeze response, for example – you may be bumping into some unresolved trauma that’s been hanging out in your body. If this is something you’ve never considered please use this as an invitation to look into therapeutic support from a trained professional who can lead you safely through a healing process.
 
A therapist will help you uncover and resolve the source of trauma and will also help you develop a tool kit of practices to self-regulate so that you can be in more control when you bump into trauma triggers in the future. Grounding and breathing will probably be part of it. 
 
Wherever you’re at, breathe and connect with the Earth in ways that feel safe to you. 

Skill #3: Use Your Values as a Compass.

When you’re in the midst of a complicated time it’s always helpful to keep what you can as simple as possible. 
 
If you know what matters most to you personally, you will be better able to ascertain what to focus on as things get tricky.
 
What are your core values?
Or another way of asking that is: 
What really matters to you?
 
Feeling fulfilled and expansive in a “Yeah, this is it” moment can indicate that you’re in alignment with your values.
Can you think of a time when you felt like you were aligned like this?
 
What were the key elements of that moment?
Connection, autonomy, reciprocity, flourishing, joy, peace, recognition…? 
 
Another way you can identify a value is to notice when a situation felt “off” “wrong” or “bad.” Sometimes looking for the inverse can point you in the right direction. 
 
An example could be being triggered by being micro-managed in your workplace which violates your core value of trust.
Another example: You’re triggered when your partner doesn’t finish their meal and creates food waste (every meal!). Perhaps this violates your value of treading lightly &not using more than you need from the Earth.
 
If you can keep your values close and use them as a way to navigate tricky situations, you’ll feel more confident. Life may spin out of control around you, but you’ll be able to identify what’s right for you by using these values — and how they make you feel — as guideposts as you navigate this new territory.

Skill #4: Everything changes.

Things can be really uncomfortable and overwhelming during intense change. 
 
Sometimes things appear to get messier and more complicated before they find their place in your new configuration. 
 
Remember: this experience won’t last forever. Repeat Skill #1 (Breathe & Ground) to keep your energy moving and soothe your nervous system during the ups and downs.
 
Since we can count on change, it works best to soften around the uncertainty that accompanies it. 
 
Remember: this principle applies to things that we like, too. Grasping onto the experiences that we want more of can create more discomfort. 
 
Everything changes, remember?
Even though we love those feelings of peace, focus, and clarity, becoming upset because they aren’t present sometimes is a great way to create suffering for yourself. 
 
Change is guaranteed.
 
Hold everything in your hands the way you would hold a tiny bird as it warms itself in your palms and then takes flight just as it’s intended to. 
How precious and fleeting — such are the complexities of our experience here in this lifetime.

Choose tenderness and wonder as often as you can. It will sweeten the journey.
 
The most valuable things are often simple.
The hard part is remembering to consistently use these skills so you’re in practice as your journey goes through the inevitable choppy and smooth sections.
 
Look at it like a lifelong practice instead of a first aid response. No need to get it perfect, just keep at it.
 
I wish for you the ability to surrender to the chaos and to allow for ease wherever it can be expressed. This can be a beautiful mess if you choose to see it that way.

This transition may be hard on its own so don’t make it harder by resisting what’s naturally unfolding. 

I see you.
I see your strength, resilience, and authenticity.
It is stunning.
 

Always believing in you,
Dana

P.S. If you’d like to read further on navigating overwhelming times, I wrote another blog post that might be helpful for you.