Suffering Not Mandatory
I was belly down on the mat in my physical therapy session. She was cueing me to make obscurely specific movements with my ribs.
Exhaling at one point in the movement, elongating my spine, activating my pelvic floor, drawing my navel up & inwards, all while relaxing my neck and lower back muscles. It was a lot to coordinate.
In that moment of acute physical awareness, it hit me.
Having a body is hard.
Like really bloody hard sometimes.
Especially when it’s uncomfortable or not functioning effectively.
Bodies are designed to receive and feel all the incredible senses and emotions inherent in living.
When it feels good it’s easy to be in the present moment and feel all those sensations.
But it’s not like that all the time, is it?
Sometimes there are more difficult sensations than pleasant ones.
I figure this is why we are here as humans with these bodies and emotional intelligence: to experience everything that comes with having a human body for a lifetime.
We’re here to feel all the feels.
When I look at it this way, it helps me relax into acceptance of what’s happening in the moment.
I’m here to feel the vast array of sensations that having a body provides.
That’s my purpose.
Like many important things, it’s simple, but not easy.
I’ve been developing my own practices of this and helping others do it, too.
I assure you, it’s completely possible to learn to control how we respond to the signals from our bodies.
It starts with developing awareness about what we’re feeling – thought quality, body sensations, behaviours, and emotions.
Back to my physio appointment on Thursday.
In that moment of full-on physical engagement, I was toggling between two states.
1. Accepting my body’s current level of function, feeling into the movements and activations with curiosity and humility.
2. Comparing my body to how it used to be able to move and how I would prefer it to function sometime in the fictional future.
I noticed that I felt calmer and more peaceful when I was staying in my body at the present moment as opposed to slipping off into judgmental thought spirals.
I was moving in and out of the awareness of my breath and relaxing into the moment. I felt how my emotional state was affecting my ability to control my body movements.
And swoosh, I was hit by another wave of insight.
Self-judgement creates suffering.
If I was able to suspend judgment, would the suffering cease to exist?
Maybe.
The possibility of experiencing pain won’t go away, that’s part of life in a human body.
I accept that.
But getting good at moderating the types of thoughts that I believe about pain is where I can be in control.
Okay, this is getting pretty philosophical.
Stay with me.
When I label sensations as “good” or “bad” I get attached to certain ones and resist others. And that’s where the suffering lives.
I felt in my body how suffering thrives in the emotional attachment to what I don’t have, what I am afraid to lose, and the resistance to what is occurring.
Buddha was totally on to something.
Maybe attachment is the root of all suffering.
If I didn’t put my opinion on top of the sensation I am feeling, I could just feel it in its purity and leave out the drama of thoughts.
Pain will occur.
But suffering is not mandatory.
We have the ability to make choices about how we perceive sensations.
Here’s what I mean:
a). Pain stimulus felt in a settled & curious body →
“Oh, lookey here, we’re feeling some pain. That’s interesting. Do we need to get the human to safety? No? Okay, let’s see if we can get that pain signal to quiet down a bit so we can understand what it’s trying to tell us. “
b). Pain stimulus felt in an anxious body →
“Oh no! It’s pain! Bring on the fear and panic response (raised heart rate, sweat, clenched muscles, fear). Doesn't matter if it's life-threatening or not, freak out! Ahhhhh! Cue the worry and self-doubt, while you’re at it.”
When I use the word pain here, I am speaking to anything that causes us discomfort in any part of ourselves. Physical, emotional, or spiritual.
Thoughts and memories of pain light up the same parts of the brain as experiencing the actual physical pain. For example, heartbreak actually shows up in the pain regions of the brain. Mind blowing, isn’t it? 🤯
The quality of thoughts you have about the sensation you are feeling will determine how it affects you.
If you get scared and upset about a painful experience it often hurts more than if you were calm and curious about it.
The key to moderating the effects of pain is getting good at widening the space between the onset of the thought after the pain stimulus and the cascade of effects it has on your nervous system and body.
So how do you do that?
1. Get curious.
“Wow! That’s causing me to spin off into anxiety. How interesting.”
2. Calm yourself.
Take three deep & steady breaths to show your body it’s not in actual danger.
3. Release un-needed tension.
After those 3 breaths, you might be able to feel your body a bit more. Notice if there are any areas of tension. Can you soften them just a little bit? If you can, notice if the pain changes or reduces at all.
4. Repeat until you’re back in control again.
I’ve worked with hundreds of people over the years helping them develop this exact practice in both the RMT treatment room and within coaching alliances.
I can assure you, it’s worth the effort to practice it.